If the Shoe Fits
by theBrillianceofNight
Summary: In answer of the age-old question, "What if someone other than Cinderella fit into the glass slipper?" AU, now updated with more "What If" situations.
1. The Huntress

So here I am, sitting in a throne room, surrounded by finery and jewels and riches, and I supposed to marry a prince who is stupid enough to marry a girl because her foot fit into some glass shoe.

Well, aren't I lucky.

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><p><strong>IF THE SHOE FITS<strong>

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><p>Seriously, who even makes shoes out of glass?<p>

It's a waste of money, and uncomfortable as hell. Plus, if you have ugly feet, it's just rubbing salt in the wound.

That is, _if_ your foot even fits in the first place.

Now, on to the prince. Real genius. Note the sarcasm. He didn't bother to ask if I'd been to the ball, didn't ask for a name, or an address, didn't question my apparent change in hair color, didn't ask anything at all. Never bothered to listen to my voice, never bothered to listen to the girl chasing after the carriage that carried me away, never bothered to even ask if I wanted to marry him.

Cinderella is lucky that they missed her.

I, on the other hand, am stuck here, with an idiotic, desperate-to-be-married pretty boy, and my next-door-neighbor is probably suffering from a broken heart.

I'm suffering from boredom. Cinderella is lucky.

Call me cynical, but Cinderella has had it better than me. Not that I mind much at all, she and I are made of different personalities and attitudes. She'd die of horror and starvation if she were me. I'd commit suicide if I were her.

The first thing you should know about us, is that Cinderella's real name is Hinata. Her Ugly Stepsisters, Sakura and Ino, are quite pretty, and while they have some unsavory bits, like all people, they also have some redeeming qualities. The Cruel Stepmother is a tough woman named Tsunade who isn't cruel, who simply wishes the best for her daughters and believes she is doing the right thing in regards to stranger-phobic Hinata.

Hinata has a cousin and a younger sister who live with a family friend, Kurenai, and her husband, Asuma.

Neji, her cousin, wrote a book about Hinata's life during the first year of their separation. He dramatized and exaggerated, and the result was enough money to take them all away from the city slums and into a life of finery. Neji, Hinata, Kurenai, Asuma, and Hanabi could move from the poor urban outskirts of the neighboring kingdom into a prosperous, central area.

But unlike Neji's book, life doesn't happen that coincidentally.

They knew years in advance when Prince Naruto would hold his ball. It would be on his seventeenth birthday, as per tradition, and if a young woman did not know the Prince's birthday, it was assumed that she would never marry.

A few months after Hiashi—Hinata and Hanabi's father as well as Neji's caretaker—died, Kurenai and Asuma came to take them away to their village across the boundaries of the kingdom. However, Hinata wanted to stay until the ball.

A year later, Neji created a story out of he and Hinata's correspondence.

Then he became Hinata's "Fairy Godmother", using money from the book to purchase her a ball gown and glass slippers for her dainty feet.

The ball came and went, and Tsunade thoughtfully kept Hinata away from the press and media, away from the overwhelming qualities of noble company. It probably didn't help Hinata's case that Tsunade was afraid, and genuinely believed that Hinata was worthy of the shoe.

My caretaker did no such thing.

Anko took one look at the procession and snorted.

"We'll not have them ruin you and degrade you with silly dances and ridiculous frills."

She believed the shoe wasn't worthy of me.

And that was that.

I went out to market, taking advantage of the empty streets to barter with merchants who had had no business the whole day.

On the way back, I bumped—quite literally—into a courier who took one look at the feet he'd nearly tramped on before dragging me with him, paying no heed to my groceries.

I went with him out of curiosity, and learned that, obviously, the Prince had read Neji's book, but not quite well enough; the next thing I knew, I was bundled up in a carriage, watching Anko and Tsunade bet on how long it'd take for me to escape. I was sitting next to the Prince I was supposed to marry, a Prince who was more interested in his rival, Duke Sasuke, than his bride-to-be. I turned once more to see poor heartbroken Hinata calling after the wagon, running on the dainty little feet that allowed her to walk on the death traps that fit _onto _my feet but did not _fit_ my feet.

Not like the thick-soled leather boots I'd been wanting.

And now here I am, biding my time for the perfect moment to escape, because, really, as entertaining as it is to watch Prince Naruto's rivalry with Duke Sasuke, I'd much rather be in the woods, skinning a rabbit or hunting a deer for dinner.

Did I mention?

I came into the Prince's company in blood stained trousers and a boy's shirt. The courier only knew I was a girl because he knocked off my hat in the collision and my hair tumbled down with it.

And finally, I see my chance.

Off comes the dress my ladies-in-waiting fussed over. They took nearly two hours to put it on me "just right", and fifteen minutes later, I had it off, put on pants and a tunic, and hooked myself back into the dress that was supposedly "impossible" to deal with alone.

The heels I kick off, and I reach instead for a pair of boots I hid under the large hoopskirt of the ball gown. Tucked into my belt is a small hunting knife, and I embed it deeply into the solid oak table with a resounding thud.

Every eye in the court turns as I pick up one of the few whole apples and slice it in two with a crisp noise. Then I toss one half into the air and lob a dinner knife straight into its center, sending it bulls-eye into the target Prince Naruto and Duke Sasuke have been battling to hit with arrows, a type of weaponry neither has utilized before.

I yank my hunting knife out of the table and take a bite from the remaining half of the apple, chew, swallow, and grin.

"I'll be leaving now."

And no one gathers their wits fast enough to follow me.

Maybe Hinata will get her chance after all, because it seems Prince Naruto has a newfound interest in girls.

I smile again, taking another bite from the shiny green apple, because everyone knows you never eat the red ones raw.

The sour tang of the juice settles onto my tongue and I breathe in the familiar smell of forest.

They'll have a hell of a time forgetting Tenten the huntress, the _other_ girl who fit into Cinderella's glass slipper.

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><p>AN: So, this was an idea of Quicquidlibet's, but she's got way too many projects, way too little time, and I was running low on inspiration SO I borrowed an idea she's given up, and this is the result!


	2. The Betrothed

I'm no beauty.

Right now, though, I wish I was.

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><p><strong><em>THE BETROTHED<br>_**

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><p>Because, you know, that would give this whole situation a whole lot more sense.<p>

It'd explain why I'm about to be married.

It'd give a reason for why I was cursed as a child.

And above all else, it'd tell me why the hell he keeps calling me a princess.

First of all, I'm the hired help.

Second, jewels don't suit me.

Third, I've got a dick.

…Gotta love Lady Luck…

I suppose I should start from the beginning, so you lucky bastards who don't know me will understand.

Thirteen great fairies in our kingdom, but the royal family has only twelve golden dishes suitable for fairy-use. So they don't invite the thirteenth, who is also the least likely to forgive them for it. Idiots, the king and queen. The occasion is their daughter's first birthday.

They named the girl after tradition—they were supposed to go with "Briar Rose", but settled instead for "Hinata"—sunflower—instead.

So eleven invited fairies bestow blessings on the drooling heiress, and the vindictive thirteenth comes raging in with all the finesse of an enraged bull. Mystic Ino casts a curse on the unfortunate birthday girl, saying she will die by spindle.

King Hiashi immediately bans all spindles from the kingdom, putting hundreds of spinsters out of a job (and life) and halting textile production for a full month. Finally, he allows one certain district on the outskirts of the kingdom to resume work using the spindles they have to re-purchase.

My older sister and brother are three and two years old and under the care of a relative while my father keeps his spindle and loses his wife in a black-market war. He is drafted when my sister turns eight, and he quickly rises through the ranks until he reaches the position of Lieutenant General. In a battle that could have lost the country, he takes decisive action and is awarded with control as Commander of the entire militia. My uncle becomes his second-in-command and I meet my siblings for the first time since I was born.

In those significant moments directly after my mother gives birth to me, toddling Kanky opens the door to a faceful of seething fairy.

Ino the Mystic casts a spell in the instant before she realizes I have shit-colored hair, green eyes, and live in a dinky cottage rather than a magnificent palace, and then she rushes back on her way to curse Princess Hinata.

Except her exact wording voids the second spell and strengthens the first.

Proof? My hair turns bright red precisely seven minutes and fifteen seconds after she leaves.

Continuing, the twelfth fairy—who has yet to give a blessing—wakes up from his nap at Ino's chaotic entrance and exit, and with carefully vague spellwork, he lessens the brunt of the failed curse on Princess Hinata and subsequently eases up mine.

I grow up surrounded by spindles after my father sends me away, because, after all, it would only be on my fifteenth birthday that I'd have to worry. So, I learn to spin and earn a living from it with my siblings from age six until thirteen, when Commander-Father dies and we are called to work and live in the castle as a condolence and compensation for my father's faithful service.

King and Queen miss little Hinata's fifteenth birthday because they are with her younger sister and cousin-brother, scoping out possible suitors for the benefits of political alliances.

The Princess climbs up an old tower with a spiralling staircase, and I shadow her as is my employment.

She finds a dusty room at the top with a man who charms his way into his heart immediately, using his sunny smile and devastating blue eyes. He beckons for her to try her hand at the art of spinning, and, distracted by the lustre of his golden hair, she pricks her finger, drawing blood.

I jump from the shadows, hold a blade to the stranger's neck, and ask what his business his and hwy he's trying to assassinate the princess.

Naruto, he says his name is, and he shrugs, grins, and squints at me.

Oh, so you're the one she cursed instead? he asks. I told her not to use the locating spell only with the basis of birthday, he groans.

He pushes aside the hand holding the hunting knife and grabs that wrist. At the same time, he wraps his fingers around the other one that is flying toward him with a pocket knife in his grip.

Then he swings me into the spindle and I hit my head. He whacks me up against it three more times for good measure, and I finally black out.

Next thing I know, someone is cussing Naruto out and someone is kissing me.

The kisser turns out the be a blushing Princess Hinata. Behind her are the first someone, who is Sasuke, the prince of the twelfth kingdom, and Naruto.

Before I can rip out his throat, Sasuke grabs me by the arm and tries to throw me out the window.

Naruto jumps in between and intercepts the kick I aimed toward the glass, and Sasuke falls backwards due to the force of Hinata's yank on his collar.

The pane never breaks, Sasuke's body pushes the door shut, and Naruto is acting as my seat cushion.

We recover quickly and retreat to different corners of the room.

Which brings me to the current issue.

I have to be married now, to the prince who woke me, except that a princess woke me up, I am a servant, not royalty, and I. Have. A . Dick.

Naruto, the prince of the thirteenth kingdom, is berating Sasuke for Shikamaru's decisions. If not for that fairy's genius, he argues, none of the day's events would have happened.

Sasuke sneers and criticizes Mystic Ino's actions, because if not for Shikamaru's magic, Hinata would be dead right now, and it's Naruto's responsibility to control his kingdom's fairy.

And now Naruto, the would-be-villain, is behaving the equivalent of a dog about to pee in happiness as he constantly refers to me as a princess.

Hinata is looking trapped, as she's entitled/obliged to marry me, is supposed to marry Sasuke, and is enamored with Naruto.

Sasuke, the intended Prince Charming, is scowling because he loses no matter what happens.

And I just want my damn hunting knife back so I can jump out the window and set the whole fucking castle on fire.

Then Temari and Kankurou barge in, and Temari aims for the blond, because blonds tend to be the source of many problems in her life. She connects, and Naruto lands virtually on top of me. Hinata squeaks, Sasuke grimaces, Temari scowls, Kankurou gapes, and I concentrate on getting back my knife while Naruto squirms in my lap.

Then I grab the knife, push him off me and feel a sense of satisfaction when his head makes hard contact with the floor, stand up, step on Naruto as I walk to Sasuke and kick him upside the head, and then I'm out the window searching my pockets for a match or a lighter.

Let's see how they cover up the mishap of Gaara the napping motherfucker who rendered Loud Naruto speechless, caused Hinata the Reserved to propose to Loud Naruto, and made Sasuke of Frost scream like a little girl.

Kankurou and Temari will catch up eventually.

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><p>AN: I had too much fun with the first one, so I consulted with Quicquidlibet and she gave me random characters to fit random roles.

This is the result.

Enjoy with a grain (or the whole fucking container, if you like) of salt.


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